Some Thoughts

I don't know weather I have this chance to write this in future or not, so i decide to write down this in my last blog for this class.

I sincerely feel glad about myself making the decision of coming to U.S. to pursue my Bachelor degree. Compared to the knowledge learned from textbooks, I'm more appreciating the process of grown-up emotionally and spiritually here.

Although I was always going to a boarding school since I was little, however, there's a big difference between staying away from parents and leaving home country. I can immediately adapt to a new environment and figure out the comfortable way of life myself, thanks to my earlier-year boarding school experience. But it was not until starting a life in a foreign culture that I feel the real connection with my family and country. I love my country, and culture, I hope I can do something for her in future. Based on this mind, I no longer feel anxiety about the fame, and future career. I gradually focus on the knowledge I can obtain in daily life, because I know knowledge is the power in this modern society that can help me to be a useful person.Whatever I do in future, I only hope I'm a useful person to others, and can make little contribution to my country's development. Besides this motivation, I should also thank to the atmosphere among the young American generation. Not like Chinese people concerning more about how much money they can make from what they study, people here care more about what their real interests are. And I believe people can go on a career what they really interests in, they will make a greater  success.

Actually I'm also doing transferring stuff. I hope the rest of the two years in America, I can go to a university located in a bigger city, which can provide me more various experience in college life. I once blamed Muncie for its poorly available choices, and the limited access to entertainment activity. However, I realize that Muncie is the best choice for me when I started my life in America. The peaceful life-style, and friendly people here made me with my poor English possibly live here and even started school here. These two years was the best transitional time for me, helping me smoothly accepting the reality that I'm living far away from my country. I should be strong, and live as a mature adult in this remote country myself. I can really tell myself now is totally from that girl just came out from high school two years ago. And I believe two years later, I cannot recognize myself anymore. Never having the anxiety from concerns about future, there's the experience, and reflection from those experience, then, there I am, is growing up. 

Fight Club

 

our great war is a spiritual war
our great depression is our lives

we've been raised on television telling us that one day we'd be millionaires and movie stars, but we won't. 

we are slowly learning that fact, and get very very pissed off
 

you are not your job
you are not the money you have in your bank
you are not the car you drive
your are not the contents in your wallet
you are not fucking khakis
you are the all-singing,all-dancing crap of the world.

                  

I love this movie! It's about the real toughness of men!

Finally

Wow~! There are only two weeks left, and I'm heading back China. Ball State are sending Jazz performers to China to experience different cultures, and co-work with Beijing Jazz Orchestra. Fortunately, they also have an exchange program with the Sichuan University, which locates in the same city were I live. So I'm anticipated to host them in my own country! I would love to see how they get scared by our food!
However, before all of these, I have finals, packing up the stuff, and moving out my current apartment. I think it will be very stressful during final two weeks. 

Traditional Chinese Painting in New Days

              Painting in the traditional style is known in Chinese as guó huà (国画), meaning 'national' or 'native painting', as opposed to Western styles of art which became popular in China in the 20th century. It was during the Warring State Period(475-221 BC) that artists began to represent the world around them. Traditional painting involves essentially the same techniques as calligraphy and is done with a brush dipped in black or colored ink; oils are not used. In traditional painting, most of the subjects are flowers, animals, landscapes, and figures. Nowadays, lots of creative Chinese artists developed new style of painting using those traditional techniques. 

Mexico "mockumentary"

I watched this on news. Children played as kidnappers, corrupt cops and drug traffickers to show the existing problems in Mexico.
At the end,a little girl faces the camera and says: "If this is the future that awaits me, I don't want it. Enough of working for your political parties instead of for us. Enough of cosmetic changes."I got this on News, so the rest part of the saying I don't understand, but language is not the only communication tool.

Wood Sculpture

Religion

          I began to study bible recently. The start was kind of like a coincidence. I have really great teachers. One thing that I like is they never try to persuade me to believe in the existence of god, but show me the proof and present me their emotions on their religion. I respect them. It's like opening a new world for me.
          I never considered religion seriously, and even has bias among it. My mom's family believes in Buddhism. My father's family believes in Christianity. When it comes to my parents, they are almost Atheism. My parents are really tough people, they built their business together from nothing. I always remember they told me never trying to depend on anyone. Even when I was a little girl I had to solve the problem myself. From the old people in my family I only saw the religion as a function of escaping from the reality, which is totally away from what my parents taught me. So when I was little I considered religion as a thing for people who find out no way in real life.   
         However I gradually realize there's spiritual need for a person. My parents grew up in the time when surviving was every thing. Policy changing in 1990s in China provided them the chance to develop. The built-in characters by their childhood life experience equipped them well on the way of fighting. Their struggling experience is hard to learn, but I respect their determined mind once setting up a goal. If someone asks me whether I have idol in my heart, I will answer my mom is the only one.
         When they were young they only considered to have a wealthy life. After having me and my sister, they only considered how to provide the best for their children. Just in recent years, persuaded by me, they began to think about their own life.
          There's no religious atmosphere in China. We are still immersed ourselves in the business of development. This is dangerous for current young generations, especially for those whose parents already built up a economic foundation for them. Compared to our parents, we grow up in a wealthy environment. Surviving is no longer a thing to be considered. Nowadays people need spiritual guide to help them on the way of developing, because out there are just too many allures. It's not the thing about superstitions. If we say law is the basic morality people have to obey, then religion is the higher level of morality. A society is necessary to possess one. For a country like China it's even more necessary.

Hair Accessories

Desire

             Recently I find myself often stuck in the situation that repeatedly doing the things I hope I didn't do: little things, but always let desire takes over my brain, such as I would have been studying at that moment but I  didn't; I would have eaten healthier food but I didn't; I would have been sleeping, or awake, but always did the opposite. Then I'm thinking about why people can not perfectly control themselves. Obviously we know what is right; what is wrong, and more importantly what is good for ourselves, but we just can not do it.
             When I talked this to a really tough person, I mean really persistent and outstanding, he answered me:" this is the mankind, but before you take the action, ask yourself if it helps you to achieve your goal. If you have a strong and determined mind towards that, you will find yourself regretful after this. Since you will take the double suffering, time and emotion, after letting the desire to make your choice, you'd better calm down and make a wiser choice."
             However, to a personal degree, I believe there's no right or wrong answer to this. It all depends on one's life choice, and mankind's choice is open and flexible. Different phases we are in we have to change ourselves to adapt to it. 
             This also reminds me of my researching experience on 2008 Financial Crisis. One of the high frequent thing I read was mankind's imperfection, according to Keynes, the animal spirits. In a mathematical sense, market is a game: there's winners and there's losers. But if the game of the free market could be played by perfect rational people with perfect information, then it would be possible for there only to be winners. However markets are made of self-interested human beings. As long as there's the desire driving force, there's the mistakes. "If the trouble with socialism is socialism, the trouble with capitalism is capitalism."-The Great Game

Random Love Crafts

Horrible English

I just read Encomium de Helen by Gorgias. I really wanna express that it is horrible!!!

I read it loudly for the first time, which I completely couldn't get the meaning, but just had the feeling of what it's saying. And then I read sentence by sentence, checked the dictionary, analyzed the sentence structure, trying to understand it one by one. For the third time, I read it again to make the logical connection between each sentence, still I think I just understand 80% of the article. 

I have long time no this kind of feeling of reading an English article. Last time it was my preparation for the reading part in SAT. Every time reading this kind of article, the process is kind of toil, however, after really understand it, what left is a sense of achievement. 

Anyway I'm proud of myself that I didn't give up. ╮(￣▽￣")╭

Hardest Thing

        As I grow older, gradually realize doing one thing repeatedly, living life everyday as the same can be the hardest thing for a person, and the biggest obstacle we have to over come on our road of pursuit. Sometimes when people want to achieve something, they need to isolate themselves from group, and doing the same thing again and again day by day. A peaceful heart, and no wanders is so important this time.
       The world is full of temptation, confusing people what they really need, and want. Success doesn't mean money, reputation - any of those momentary things we can't control, but a person can lead the kind of life he wants.
      In my 20s, I hope I can figure out what I really want, no hesitation on the way of fight, and finally have a life without regrets.

puss in boots

I watched this movie with my friends this weekend. Puss is sooooo cute, especially his splendid eyes. Dream Works' animation is always good with its high quality, music, and creative story. I love this movie.

The Little Prince

This is my favorite book. Highly recommended to all of you guys.
It uses the simplest language to tell the story, but unveil the profound observation about life and humanity.
The Little Prince is so cute and makes me feel warm. I wanna smile but also cry when I read it.
I appreciate him like appreciating the beauty in the world.

“I thought that I was rich, with a flower that was unique in all the world; and all I had was a common rose. ” - The Little Prince

Girl Friends

Thanks to 3 lovely girls. In the age of 20, I wore my first make-up, high heels, fragrance, and knew the meaning of beauty to a women. We hang out, joke loudly, shop for fun. At this moment, I really understand the meaning of friends, and the fun they bring to us cannot be replaced. Best wishes to them.

Asian Retaurant

I spent my 20th birthday in DoMo, a Japanese restaurant in Muncie. It was a great experience. The service was great, and the sushi was the best I've ever had in Muncie.The most especial thing was their hibachi table. The chef presented the food like a show. He sliced the onion and piled it up into mountain, then lit it up like a volcano. The food on the grill smells always delicious.
Another restaurant I recommend to have Asian food was The Journey. It's one hour and half driving from here. It's 20 bucks per person, but the food there is worthy the money.

Sherlock

 

I was watching Sherlock this spring break. It's a very exciting and interesting drama. 

And a great way to learn English.

椎名林檎：unconditional love

 

The same Japanese singer. 

Hoping have a great spring break. It's always the best thing going school in America. 

Shiina Ringo ~ Kabukichou no Jyoou

 

Japanese rocker, I like her.

Creep

One of my favorite Chinese bands played this song in their concert. Then I found the original one. It's a great song, very touching.

5 Year Old: Shinchan

Recently there are some hot posts on Chinese version of Facebook, Renren, talking bout " what you do when 5 year-old". The most agreeable one is " Shinchan", the Japanese mango.

Although this show was later not allowed in China for its inappropriate content for young kids, we had it. Not to judge its impact on us, now when I watch it, it still gives us lots of laughter

Girl with One Eye

I know it's a little bit creepy, but I love Florence's powerful voice.

Just a Dream: Yoko Tanji

I grew up with Manga( Japanese comics). I once had a dream to be a Manga artist in future. In my room there still piles of sketches I draw in my elementary school. Sometimes I complain about I have no romantic dream, then I realize I had it before, but I gave it up. 

These pics are all from Japanese artist Yoko Tanji. Her style is very unique to me. She creates her works using templates for computers, then adds various effects to her images, creating a surreal feel. 

It's difficult for me to refuse unique art whose major characters are figures.

Rolling In the Deep

I know it's old, but Rolling In the Deep is my favorite English song, and I love Adele's voice. This one is Linkin Park's version. It's totally a different experience.

Research Paper

For the second research, the subject first came to my mind was Chinese education system. But then I decided to to Wall Street.
National Gaze actually was my first research paper. Although I did do research in my IEI class in Ball State, this one was my first time putting effort in it. I don't know how's it, but I tried my best. And I learned a lot after the whole process, especially I even begin to plan traveling to Vietnam in summer.
I think doing research is really a good way to absorbing information, organizing it, and present it in one' own way. Writer's mind is immersed in his subject during the process, which makes me cannot refuse to accept those information. Although the process is tough, and sometimes painful, I feel fulfilment seeing the papers coming out from printer.
So for the second one, I wanna do something I'm not familiar with, but I want to learn more about it. My major is Econ, and I'm really interested in it. Since I came to U.S. I'm curious about this land for every thing. I hope I can learn as much as possible here, and bring it back to my country, and do my contribution.

Gunshot Experience

Friday there was gunshot happened around University Avenue. How sadly it is I live right there in a small apartment alone. I got really terrified. And then my friend picked me up to her house. We were all getting intensified, cause although before we came to U.S. we knew it was gun free country, this was our first time really witness it.
We were scared, and thought randomly how this could happen to us. Then we went to Youtube to check the campus gunshots videos to even scare ourselves more. We all signed that we should came back to China, cause there we still had the chance to fight back the knife, but we couldn't fight back the bullet here.
However until long time joked about this, we came to the conclusion that if it really happened to us, then that's our destiny (taking great advantage of religion).
I can not stop crazy things happen to me. At least I can reassure myself.............

Artist: Vincent Van Gogh

Vincent van Gogh:

I just love work of Impressionism. 
When I traveled to New York and Chicago, I had the chance to see the real paintings hanging in the museums. I was just amazed by their heavy thick use of color, and its great compose of every brush stroke. 
And of course Vincent van Gogh is one of the greatest impressionists.  


          




                                                                 Vincent 

                                                                          Joanna Wang

starry, starry night
paint your palette blue and gray
look out on a summer's day
with eyes that know the darkness in my soul

shadows on the hills
sketch the trees and daffodils
catch the breeze and the winter chills
in colors on the snowy linen land

starry, starry night
flaming flowers that brightly blaze
swirling clouds in violet haze
reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue

colors changing hue
morning fields of amber grain
weathered faces lined in pain
are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand

Life

When I was in high school, all I want was freedom.
My life at that time was within three spots - dormitory, class room, dining hall.
Now I'm out of my high school, out of that school system, even out of my country.
Then what?
Happy for few months, then I don't know what's my life all about.
Even after 1 year, I still cannot figure out my life meaning.
Sometimes I want to come back to the life in high school, the life without wondering, but all about doing the signed duty.

Then I realize this is the real independence.
I have to live my life under my own will, and reach the goal by my own perseverance.

My adult friend told me:"Wanni, you have to learn to organize your life,doing the specific thing under specific time. Habit is easy to build, but firstly your will should be strong."
At that time I didn't even pay attention to this, however, as more eager I want to reach my dream, I understand the importance of a good habit, and self-control.  

Life is a long time journey. There's no right or wrong for every decision I made. As long as I am on the way of progress, always possessing the hope, I believe I'm on the right direction. 

Artis: Yoshitomo Nara

Yoshitomo Nara:


 Born in Japan, 1959.
As one of the leading artists of Japan’s influential Neo Pop art since the 1990s,


Well known for his depiction of children    and animal.Under those cute vulnerable faces, he tries to express a sense of rage, helplessness, and a sense of isolation in this hyper-networked age.



 

Chinese New Year

Yesterday and today was the Chinese New Year Day. The sad thing was I was doing my 8 pages research paper. The happy thing was I finished the first draft of it, as well as hanging out with my friends and having the dinner in Szechuan Garden in Indi.
It was really comfortable hanging out with a group of nice friends and joking in our hometown dialect. One and half year staying here, I always try to ignore the fact of loneliness, culture difference, and most importantly food unsatisfied and language. However human beings are equipped with strong stability. We can always adjust ourselves to a comfortable position in the environment. I ignore them doesn't mean they don't exist.
I know I miss my family, my hometown, my country sooooooooooo much!
Best wishes to all of them, and to myself.
In this new year I hope I get closer to the kind of person I wanna be, and get more clear about my future.
Finally, 128 days later, I'm gonna go back China!

Log

Tuesday:

Nation Gaze was our topic in this class. We mainly focused on the Primary research, which are observation and survey. Besides the way of conducting a research paper, we also learned that the purpose of our research paper was to presenting our ideas, as well as persuading the audiences. We are unable to persuade everyone in the world to hold the same position as us, so we have to pick up the audiences, target them, and try to compose the paper based on them. Another unique thing in the class that I learned was to change the negative to positive. I found this was also a barrier I had to get over when I was doing my research. Especially in a Third World country it's not possible having no drawbacks but always progression that can attract foreigners. Anyhow, during the research I spent a lot of time trying to present the information fairly while picking up the valuable data can attract my audiences.


Thursday:

We met in the library in this class. The librarians showed us how to use the resources in library to help us composing the research paper. For the book we can go to Cardcat; for the articles and data we can go to Articles and Databases;while we can also go to map collection from Ball State. In the Articles and Databases, librarians recommended three research choices: Business source premier; Academic source research;Access world news. All of them are very helpful for conducting the paper. It was my first time that I learned how useful the BSU library was. I found in U.S. I was always struck by the way of organizing information here.

Artist: JIDI(寂地）

Artist: JIDI (寂地）
         
Born in China, 1983.
Famous for her first collection"My Way"



No expression on figure's face,
but the color,and the way it composes make the emotion spill out everywhere.

There's always a story beyond the scene.
It's the dream for the young.

to The Little Prince